sometimes it's nice to put on a movie and give up on trying to have a soul for awhile and let whoever made the movie be in charge of having a soul for awhile and end the movie feeling like everything was in good hands
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the movie is called bubble and it's on netflix and it's nice if you're in the mood to be extremely teenage in a particular way (which, spoiler alert, i am)
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the second time i did acid was the closest i had come, at the time, to having a religious experience. i remember sitting down watching TV because i was barely in control of my body and just being astonished at how captivating every single youtube video someone put on was
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everything felt fresh, everything felt new. it was like i'd forgotten i'd ever watched television and was experiencing it again for the first time. once described mania as feeling like a condom that was separating you and reality had come off and it felt like that
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wow this is so good of a description (tho I’ve only ever experienced hypomania / hyperthymia, but a lot of it)
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I think mechanistically it’s just a reduction in tanha which is lowering the gap between you and cessation by dropping things from consciousness which increases the resolution of what’s left in it and also feels amazing bc tanha is pulling you down all the time
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I’d guess it would have been okay to let go of the will to hurt others or whatever, bc the real mechanics stopping you from hurting people isn’t stored in the global workspace. You’re holding onto a fake copy of the thing. People close to cessation don’t go on a murder spree
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the largest part of these notes wasn't even the thing about souls, it was this whole thing i wrote where i was trying to articulate what the acid was even doing to me
"do not let go of: will to live, will not to hurt others"!!!
i wrote that with my own hands!
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probably but i had no way of knowing that at the time 😅
Yeah, this isn’t to fault you at all!! I think you did the totally reasonable thing
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