Conversation

quite possible that i hate myself too much in the context of my job to do good work. technically speaking it's all well within my grasp, but every time i enter into a new task i have to first overcome thinking, feeling, "knowing" i'm incapable.
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i know what the solutions are, the paths forward, but i don't do them. i keep thinking about them, and then i don't do them. not looking for answers, just being open about where i'm at rn.
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if you keep thinking about them and don’t do them then they’re not the solution, or at least not the next step. the next step has to be something you actually end up doing!
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it's quite possible i *am* doing a next step but it's subtle and slow so it doesn't rly take notice
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logged in to facebook and saw an ad for a "stuardess" for the summer on a 52 foot yacht watching a couple of kids, maybe that's the answer i was waiting for
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