the fucked up thing is that i can never stop spending time. there are no free actions. thinking about what to do is itself an action that consumes time. i need a pause button for reality so bad and i genuinely hate that i don’t have one
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being outside more has forced me to understand exactly how many daylight hours there are and it sucks
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night hours used to feel free and now i just feel like anything i do at night that isn’t prepping for sleep or sleep is cutting into sleep which either makes my next day worse or cuts into the next day’s daylight hours. inescapable
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paradoxically one of the most reassuring things about wasting enormous amounts of time doomscrolling or w/e is while i’m in that dissociated state my awareness of the passage of time is suspended. not doing that means being excruciatingly aware of time instead and i hate it
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god people’s responses to this thread are really pissing me off which i assume means there’s a thing here and it probably isn’t about time exactly
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like… have any of you ever talked to 40-year-old unmarried women who want children and don’t have them? it’s fucking brutal. don’t tell them there’s no such fucking thing as wasting time
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Does any of this shift with how you feel about stretches of time in the past? I’m thinking of the idea that we perceive a period of time as having been longer the more milestone-type memories we made during that time, and so doing activities that support more memory formation…
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… actually lengthen the perceived experience of life.
Things like being online, looking at screens, no physical/contextual changes occur, and that limits what our body/mind can hook memory onto, so not only does time pass, but it doesn’t form memory either.
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Things like being outside more, moving more, being more social (I suspect in person rather than virtually) would theoretically make time feel like it lengthened because more “happened” in that time, so I wonder if you’ve experienced any of that.
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yeah i have def experienced this. for me it's like there are times in my life i feel more "in the flow of the world" and then i'm not so worried about the passage of time, but it's been hard to feel that way since lockdown :/
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Totally agree! Lockdown dissolved all sense of time passing for me… the 2 month block vs. 8 month block vs. 2 year block do not feel different at all. Time’s starting to stretch a bit more, especially if I’m traveling, but when I’m home the calendar jumps forward
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I think in the earlier part of lockdown I had a few different phases of trying things, mostly changing self-care patterns around sleep, eating, exercise, etc. but each phase was pretty short and eventually just settled into long stretches of sameness.
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