the fucked up thing is that i can never stop spending time. there are no free actions. thinking about what to do is itself an action that consumes time. i need a pause button for reality so bad and i genuinely hate that i don’t have one
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being outside more has forced me to understand exactly how many daylight hours there are and it sucks
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night hours used to feel free and now i just feel like anything i do at night that isn’t prepping for sleep or sleep is cutting into sleep which either makes my next day worse or cuts into the next day’s daylight hours. inescapable
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paradoxically one of the most reassuring things about wasting enormous amounts of time doomscrolling or w/e is while i’m in that dissociated state my awareness of the passage of time is suspended. not doing that means being excruciatingly aware of time instead and i hate it
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god people’s responses to this thread are really pissing me off which i assume means there’s a thing here and it probably isn’t about time exactly
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like… have any of you ever talked to 40-year-old unmarried women who want children and don’t have them? it’s fucking brutal. don’t tell them there’s no such fucking thing as wasting time
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"What lies ahead is the un-settling, the inverse of the question of when you feel old enough to have a baby: When will your children be old enough to have dying parents?"
hmmdaily.com/2018/10/18/you
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you’re worried about falling behind or running out of time to do the things you feel you have to do
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Good news! It gets way worse with age 🤣
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i think i know what you're getting at and it's really hard and i dont quite know how to explain it with words
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