gonna get a fancy sign for our door that says "no solicitors of any kind (and if you're not sure whether you count, you do)"
or perhaps "no solicitors; if you wake our toddler up from her nap, you get to handle bedtime"
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maybe even "no solicitors; all pamphlets and promotional materials will be given to our toddler to eat"
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you could sell this one i think, maybe with a variation with “dog”