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in freshman year of high school i took a practice AP comp sci test, got a 19/40, and came totally unglued and couldn't stop myself from bawling my eyes out in the shower. it's one of the only times i ever cried growing up that i can remember. i never told anybody
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just imagined someone telling me “it’s okay to make mistakes, it doesn’t mean you’re bad and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you” and started crying so uh
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that's how i know that by freshman year of high school there wasn't a single person in my life i felt safe having a conversation with about failure. nobody i trusted to reassure me or comfort me or go over the test with me and help me learn so i could do better
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it will not surprise you to hear that when i started struggling in grad school there wasn't anybody i felt safe having a conversation with about that either, least of all my advisor 🙃
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This strikes a chord. It wasn’t until recently that I found people that were earnestly curious about my failures and fuck ups. That’s been emotionally transformative. It always seemed belonging was performance contingent, so failure felt like a harbinger of rejection.
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Yep! Last time 1/3/4 were all essentially tied for top billing in my enneagram. I’m a fun contradictory bundle of reforming individualistic achievement
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