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most of my prayers end with something like "thanks for chatting, I still don't know if you're real, you're kind of a dick and I'm going to grill you for an explanation for [thing from my childhood faith] later. jerk. love you. bye. jerk."

nvpkp

@nvpkp

i wonder if it's bc it's the god dude. i talk to my "mom", who is an amalgamation of the women who have ~saved me in one way or another in my life. no baggage there. closer to the ideal parent figure than to a god figure but idk idk

bosco

@selentelechia

it's the only thing that works for me when I try IPF. I try parents, I try grandparents, but they always eventually turn into This Fucking Guy I asked why, once, and he said "because this is the Type of Guy you can understand"

bosco

@selentelechia

I don't think it's possible for me yet to interact with an idealized anything without baggage, even the ideal of "ideal," and even an idealized future self a la

@orthonormalist

. I've lost faith in too many things. the only way forward is to deal with the baggage.

seems like the best god like the best friend is not the one who’s most polite or most perfect but the one who picks up the phone

I think God by definition is someone who wants to talk with you, who is capable of talking with you in an appropriate and necessary way, who can be with you in second person joint attention and witness the world together

linking my God thread because it's my main achievement on this site

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