very weird to go from "what the fuck could i possibly do to fill up all the time in a day (depressed)" to "why the fuck aren't there 6 additional daylight hours every day so i can do everything i wanna do (has never needed to learn time management skills)"
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i can't believe how much time i've wasted in the last 10 years. honestly kinda sickening
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i kept spreadsheets tracking what i was doing every hour for a few years, and i color coded them based on how much i felt like i wasted that hour, so for those years i know how much time i wasted and it was a *lot*
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i don't remember what "rest" means exactly but roughly meant i was too depressed to do anything. green means i liked what i did, yellow is in the middle, red means it felt like a waste of time. blue highlight means i took modafinil that day
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spent 8 years in the bay area indoors almost the entire time even though the weather was basically perfect every day, and now i get good sun here in the pacific northwest like once a week 😩😩😩
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the worst thing about time is that worrying about time itself costs time. literally impossible to get away from. i've just spent the last hour fretting over how i don't have enough time to do everything i want to today. TIME IS MY ENEMY AND I WILL VANQUISH IT
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invisibility used to be on the top of my superpower wish list but now it's time stopping. time stopping is #1. all i want for christmas is a hyperbolic time chamber
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i feel this but in a sort of mirrored way where i would like time to stop so that i could be depressed for as long as i want without incurring problems or "falling behind"
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