Conversation

👻
@maybegray
otoh, imo, invitations to speak up about negative interactions & experiences seem to me to be well-intentioned attempts to counter a v real culture of fear & silence in difficult contexts, perhaps especially wrt uncomfortable sexual experiences & I appreciate the kindness in that
1
22
👻
@maybegray
ultimately we are almost certainly trying to thread an unthreadable needle when we strive to cultivate/enforce social norms to keep each other ✌️safe✌️ that’s not an excuse to fail harder than we have to at promoting prosocial behavior & growing up however we can
1
22
👻
@maybegray
with few exceptions, if any, there are opportunities for improved responsibility & resilience for everyone involved in tricky social dynamics & it takes a lot of maturity to resist the temptation to allocate all accountability w whoever presents the least sympathetic narrative
1
17
👻
@maybegray
I’m obviously not saying everyone is equally accountable in every situation I’m just saying there is (at least v close to) never a situation in which anyone is entitled to completely abandon accountability for whatever they bring to the table
1
18
👻
@maybegray
so, if you come to me as a node in a whisper network I will do my best to hold space for you and listen to you when you express what you experienced and how it impacted you (or else let you know that I’m not able to do that for whatever reason)
1
18
👻
@maybegray
I will reflect back to what I’ve heard, extend you whatever empathy I can offer, respect your privacy, & support you in handling things in w/e other way I can. I will encourage you to retain a sense of your own worth, power & resilience in the context of what you’ve been through
1
18
👻
@maybegray
& I may decide on a case by case basis to take further action that seems appropriate & helpful in the given context maybe sometimes that will involve ex. directly interacting w the other party to discuss it with them or collaborating with others to seek some solution, it depends
1
15
👻
@maybegray
I’m not a hug box or a mercenary though I don’t unquestioningly take on low context accusations that someone is a ✌️bad guy✌️ & echo totalizing narratives or collaborate to cancel/dogpile anyone
1
20
👻
@maybegray
that doesn’t mean I don’t believe you! afaict ppl extremely rarely have any reason to share an uncomfortable exp if they didn’t really have it by default, if you say you had a tough interaction I will believe you & empathize w you however little you choose to tell me about it
1
18
👻
@maybegray
my unwillingness to come to an absolute moral position on things is part of what makes me a safe person to come to w complicated painful exps I’m not going to play judge, jury & executioner at you, that’s not how I’d want to be heard in your shoes. I’m just gonna be here for you
3
24