when was the first time you had a thought or feeling, or said something, or did something, that you were shocked / horrified / appalled by? like “wow, was that really me? did i really think / feel / say / do that?”
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for me it was probably the Knife Incident
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in 7th grade i was "emergency expelled" for a week twitter.com/SaraBWarf/stat…
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I was like 32 the first time I used physical violence in anger (as an adult) and I felt kind of sickos.jpg about it
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I was 10 in inner city school in communist Romania, had a sadistic lit teacher who announced he's gonna physically hit kids who recited a poem as many times as they stumble/don't follow punctuation
I literally lost it, got up and went to his desk, said just dare hit me asshole
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This level of disobedience was unheard of, unseen. He was in shock, I too at myself. He never hit me, but sadly picked a random girl in my class to revenge on
Didn't talk to me for the rest of the yr, or as much as look my way, refused to grade me. Mf died in the summer vacation
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I was with my best friend and he asked me if I ate some of his gum (I did) and I said no.
I was appalled. Why would I lie? Why would that be my knee jerk reaction? Am I a pathological liar??
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When i was in kindergarten, i walked up to two boys playing with legos and smashed what they were building. I had no idea why I'd done it and felt bad about it immediately.
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I'm pretty sure it wasn't jealousy bc i was playing with my best friend and those were just 2 guys i usually had little interaction with. Also, I had no interest in lego.
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I was 8 or 9.
My dad was travelling for business a fair bit recently. Few months of 3-4 days every so often.
He's home from a trip.
I get a card in the mail.
Do not clock from who because I was clueless like that.
Open card.
Immediatley shake for money, there is none.
Dad sees.😞
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Still one of the all-time most awful feelings. The thoughtlessness, my childish confusion / incomprehension causing very real pain to my father.
TBC I had *never* recieved personal mail outside of a birthday or holiday and from person announced to me on presentation of letter.
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