the classic conversation starter of the past weekend: "how's your vibecamp been?"
I think I spent the weekend mostly lying. here's a more honest reflection: man vibecamp was rough
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there's the upfront disclaimer, which goes "it's not vibecamp, it's me"
no I don't regret going. but this was exactly the overwhelming sort of experience that was going to unveil my social edges. intellectually to be expected, but after the fact, it's visceral and real
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I'm reminded of the work I've still got ahead of me in becoming more comfortable in my own skin
lots of uncomfy feelings triggered again, of not belonging, of being the weird social incompetent, not knowing what to say or how to carry myself...
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of course they were gonna get triggered! this wasn't just new people. we're talking hundreds of them, day after day. chatting each other up, left and right. smiling, laughing, no problem. apparently having the weekend of their lives
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except me. not me, cause I'm defective — that's the old story at least
so how was my vibecamp? that's the more authentic answer, unfair to dump on the unsuspecting vibecamper just looking to break the ice
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perceptive observers probably picked up on bits of this. I also suspect lots wasn't so externally obvious
I've long learned to put on a brave face and confident smile. project and pretend, right? people can tend to get pretty engrossed in their own internal psychodrama anyway
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I don't mean to say that this captures all of my vibecamp experience. but even amongst the moments of connection and laughter and good vibes (which for me, there were!), I'd be disingenuous if this weren't my starting point
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lots more for me to grow! I'm often hesitant to share, fearing others might feel bad for me. being pitied sucks
probably I'm not strictly alone though; I'm guessing the range of normal vibecamp experiences runs wider than the celebratory rounds I see on my TL (by and large)
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tweeting is metabolizing. I'm certainly not above frustrated self-pity, but there's some growing pride too for the little moments of courage this weekend
ok imma jerk myself off a lil. showed up as best I could, and yeah... there's at least something honorable about that 💪🏼😎💪🏼
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Replying to
fwiw would've loved to talk about this with you at vibecamp and maybe we'll talk about it on our call tomorrow. you seemed like you were smiling a lot but also i was curious why you weren't speaking up more in conversation. love this thread man 🙏
Replying to
thanks QC!! yeah, the teahouse was definitely a moment for me. lots of stuff going on inside 😳. I'm not attached to exploring it, but also totally open if it comes up. talk soon!
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