My SSRIs immediately made me feel high as fuck
I seem to be ridiculously sensitive to drugs as I've never heard anyone else talk about this
Over time my reaction to them settled & I think they helped keep me steadier than I otherwise would have been
Conversation
My therapist is wonderful
She was the first person during the shit show of my recent few years to just tell me
T: "Look after yourself Robbie"
Me: "But what about..."
T: "Look after yourself Robbie"
Me: "I can't though! Because..."
T: "Look after yourself Robbie"
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She taught me coping strategies for when things were super intense
She recommended mindfulness
She helped me see & understanding patterns of enmeshment, co-dependency, the drama triangle etc etc
& helped guide me to starting to implement boundaries
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She helped guide me to a path by which I could once again trust myself
Helped guide me to explore my base feelings, get in touch with what I like & who I am at my core
Not what I & others expected to be there or forced to be there
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So all at once I took a big chunk of time off work
I started therapy
I started SSRIs
I started meditating every day using the headspace app
I started trying to find simple basic things that could bring me joy
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It was a fucking turbulent ride
But connecting with people outside my circles, exploring new environments, trying new sports, art
Expressing myself in different ways
Placing boundaries with myself, my family, my work, my friends
Gaining trust in myself
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Bit by bit I built my way up
I tumbled back down many many times
But I've found my way
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It feels stupid to state this since it should be obvious
But my God, post-depression life is so much better
I don't even need meditation or mindfulness to "just be"
I can "just be" effortlessly & all is fine
I can "just do" effortlessly & all is fine
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Trying to be & trying to do no longer sucks me into a writhing turmoil of inner conflict & deep exhaustion
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My path out of depression has been
- Twitter therapy
- Meditation
- Authentic relating
- IFS
Built on a backbone of mainstream psychotherapy and anti-depressants
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