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Eventually, we moved on to this song called ‘Death Is The Door To Awe’ from this movie called The Fountain (youtu.be/Whuf6C_T8tc). That was when this shit went to the next level for me personally.

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Death Is the Road to Awe (feat. Kronos Quartet)

Provided to YouTube by NonesuchDeath Is the Road to Awe (feat. Kronos Quartet) · Clint Mansell · Kronos QuartetThe Fountain OST℗ 2006 Nonesuch RecordsEnsembl...

I found myself starting to bring my imagination into the space, summoning wind and lightning in the palms of my hands, and making birdlike movements but once that song got going, this EPIC orchestral piece with guitar and these intense pauses. I entered a whole new dimension.

I’m going to struggle to describe what happened next. I could try to describe how I was moving, but it wouldn’t make any sense in words. Let’s just say I was in my full grandiosity, raising my hands to the sky to call lightning down into my soul, burning sigils into the ground

I was shaking and jerking and shuddering like I'd been possessed by some sort of rad lightning demon

Two things that struck me about this experience was… 1. The FEELING. I felt SO ALIVE. I had become lightning, I had become ecstasy. It wasn’t like a sexual pleasure, I was just so embodied, and out of my ego that my whole experience was just pure sensation.

2. The images that passed through me: at its peak, I saw (in my mind’s eye) a giant, screaming thunderbird with lightning shooting out of its eyes. It was fucking MAGNIFICENT. I saw myself as this red eyed, handsome demon-spider-man.

Wrapping up victims in my web to do with and dominate and torture as I will. I saw the souls of the dead and damned rising up from dance floor and swirling and coagulating into a giant tornado of spirits under a cloudy dark sky.

Y’all, I was ENTHRALLLED. The song peaked, I collapsed, some people started crying in the room… Just unbelievable. I rushed up to the facilitator and basically gushed about it being one of the best dance experiences I’ve ever had

I walked out into the night with a lot of questions and one huge takeaway.

I NEED Ecstasy in my life. I have been starving for it. Starving for opportunities to completely lose my ‘self’ in aliveness, electricity, borderline madness. Chances to play in the dark corners of being that are so turned on and live.