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can never decide if “setting boundaries” is skillful or unskillful, important or not (for awakening) maybe it’s something i kinda do sometimes but just without calling it that?

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GinormousBuddha

@TGinormous

· Feb 19

Life is inherently uncertain… You have a choice. You can try to be safe- -or You can Be free… You cannot be both. The choice is to protect, set boundaries, set goals, project, strive, attain, expect… …or relax and enjoy whatever comes and goes.

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

this might offend someone including some part of myself maybe, but some other louder part of myself still considers explicit, verbalized “boundary setting” a new age spirituality/therapy culture thing & not helpful to awakening like my default thing to do if something someone—

hugslut is in recovery

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

says offends me (as long as they’re not being obviously malicious and trolly) is 1. express how i feel about what specifically was said in that instance and 2. check out what in myself got triggered & see if i can explore/liberate that some—

hugslut is in recovery

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

not tell them it’s “against my boundaries” for them to say that thing or to talk to me about anything similar from here on out. seems like a good way to avoid ever looking at my own stuff thoughts? maybe the concept has some depth that i’m not seeing? —

hugslut is in recovery

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

or maybe it’s one of those things i’m just lucky enough not to need? or maybe i’m just good at ignoring the few truly difficult/upsetting people in my life and that’s my unspoken way of “setting boundaries”? lol

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Feb 20

“boundaries” in this context is a poorly named concept imo. the important question is not where they are but what you’re willing do if they get crossed - it would be on some level more accurate to call them “threats,” and to call the process “negotiation”

hugslut is in recovery

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

interesting!!! what's negotiation involve? something like "ok you upset me. here's what it's gonna take for me to not yeet you out of my life"?

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Replying to

@smallkewlhuman

i mean yeah basically. an old rationalist friend of mine introduced me to the concept of a BATNA - "best alternative to negotiated agreement" - and most of the time your BATNA is usually at least as good as "i'm leaving," that's the foundation of your negotiation position

9:21 AM · Feb 20, 2022Twitter Web App

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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

Replying to

and

the better your BATNA is the more leverage you have in a negotiation, it's an interesting way of thinking about power and how to wield it. not the most savory topic but if we're talking about crossed boundaries we have to talk about wielding power to defend them