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can never decide if “setting boundaries” is skillful or unskillful, important or not (for awakening) maybe it’s something i kinda do sometimes but just without calling it that?

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GinormousBuddha

@TGinormous

· Feb 19

Life is inherently uncertain… You have a choice. You can try to be safe- -or You can Be free… You cannot be both. The choice is to protect, set boundaries, set goals, project, strive, attain, expect… …or relax and enjoy whatever comes and goes.

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

this might offend someone including some part of myself maybe, but some other louder part of myself still considers explicit, verbalized “boundary setting” a new age spirituality/therapy culture thing & not helpful to awakening like my default thing to do if something someone—

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

says offends me (as long as they’re not being obviously malicious and trolly) is 1. express how i feel about what specifically was said in that instance and 2. check out what in myself got triggered & see if i can explore/liberate that some—

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

not tell them it’s “against my boundaries” for them to say that thing or to talk to me about anything similar from here on out. seems like a good way to avoid ever looking at my own stuff thoughts? maybe the concept has some depth that i’m not seeing? —

hugslut is in recovery

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@smallkewlhuman

Feb 20

or maybe it’s one of those things i’m just lucky enough not to need? or maybe i’m just good at ignoring the few truly difficult/upsetting people in my life and that’s my unspoken way of “setting boundaries”? lol

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Replying to

@smallkewlhuman

“boundaries” in this context is a poorly named concept imo. the important question is not where they are but what you’re willing do if they get crossed - it would be on some level more accurate to call them “threats,” and to call the process “negotiation”

6:39 AM · Feb 20, 2022Twitter for iPad

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hugslut is in recovery

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interesting!!! what's negotiation involve? something like "ok you upset me. here's what it's gonna take for me to not yeet you out of my life"?

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Feb 20

i mean yeah basically. an old rationalist friend of mine introduced me to the concept of a BATNA - "best alternative to negotiated agreement" - and most of the time your BATNA is usually at least as good as "i'm leaving," that's the foundation of your negotiation position

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