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i can't plan anything top-down in the slightest, i just have to bottom-up find anything at all that feels good to do. tiny slivers of joy
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what i needed was the tiniest accessible slivers of joy, to remember that it was possible for things to feel good, to remember that this was a thing people wanted. a few movies on netflix were surprisingly good for this, for me. this one is very charming: netflix.com/title/81400497
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also really basic self-care stuff like making sure i'm eating and showering and stuff like that, which i had to do some funny expanded awareness-type stuff to debug
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playing around with it, it seemed that i was blocking certain intentions from my awareness, e.g. needing to pee, and also blocking certain facts about the space around me from my awareness, e.g. the location of the bathroom twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/st
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