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· Feb 9

Replying to @smallkewlhuman

it’s nearly always only used as an invalidation - the implication, intended or not, is “this is a defense mechanism therefore it’s not real / valid” when, of course, the whole point of a defense mechanism is that it’s defending something

ime if i try to force myself to stop using a particular defense or cope i'll just find another one, because the underlying need is real and the bodymind wants to take care of it one way or another; e.g. if i make myself stop watching TV i'll start playing more video games, etc.

9:42 PM · Feb 10, 2022Twitter Web App

of course the issue is that some defenses or copes can be costly to use, e.g. if yours revolve around being glued to screens you're not getting exercise or IRL social time etc. there can be costs to other people too. so it's natural to wonder how to improve the situation

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what's worked for me is a lot of patience and a two-pronged approach of 1) identifying and attempting to directly address the needs the defenses / copes are for 2) "indulging in" defenses / copes as they arise, although if i can find "better" ones i try to use those

e.g. i'll continue to "indulge in" TV if i'm trying to avoid something but i can still nudge my TV-watching in specific directions: shows that bring me more joy, that connect me more to what i like and want and value, etc.

(i've started noticing lately when a show makes me feel worse about humanity and i've started avoiding those; like i tried rewatching 30 rock but honestly it's a much more mean-spirited show than i remembered and i stopped. brooklyn 99 on the other hand was very heartwarming)