Conversation

("tense all the time" is a pretty succinct gesture towards what it feels like to have complex PTSD also, but we don't need to get into that here; having a story about where the tension comes from is less important than the raw phenomenology of it)
Quote Tweet
i don't talk in these terms often because i think a lot of people don't like the framing but in my own mind i am sort of a complex PTSD maximalist; i think almost every serious psychological issue is basically a subtype of complex PTSD pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTS
Show this thread
Image
1
2
50
(although otoh looking directly for the tension is complicated by the fact that at the beginning you'll likely have little access to a lot of it due to numbness)
Quote Tweet
i keep expecting to feel like I'll be "done" (stretching my hips and hamstrings) but every couple of days it feels like I'm finding some new tenseness and tightness that I couldn't even perceive before because I was too numb
Show this thread
1
42
"look younger" is the one i feel the least confident about but vaguely speaking i think holding chronic tension diverts bodily resources away from the physical maturation process, especially during puberty. it may specifically interfere with sex hormone production, idk
13
1
56
there's a whole 'nother aspect of the nerd phenomenon that has to do with the particularities of nerd obsessions and nerd thinking; i have fewer speculations about this because it overlaps with autism stuff i can't claim to understand at all
2
41
one version of what you could call my main thesis that i'm exploring on twitter is: it is possible to go from being a nerd to being a jock, to go from being tense all the time to not being tense all the time
Quote Tweet
guys can we talk about this completely insane thread where oxytocin nasal spray apparently makes an autistic guy not autistic temporarily? i'm gonna be fucked up about this for days twitter.com/punished3liza/…
Show this thread
9
54
lately i've been focusing on tension in my legs and pelvis (historically i've focused on tension in my chest and gut) and i definitely don't feel done with it yet but there have already been moments that walking and running feel amazing 🥲
Quote Tweet
idk how to describe this but i think i can... feel the connection between my feet and my pelvis and the base of my spine now? like something about the way weight gets distributed all along that length has popped into awareness
Show this thread
2
1
29
other nerd stuff i don't feel like i understand as well: wearing glasses (is this just from not getting enough sunlight?), allergies (spending time indoors + autoimmune issues from chronic tension?)... there must be other stuff, what else?
11
1
28
some amendments: "Nerdness involves contraction of the body, granted, but it involves expansion elsewhere" "being in one's head" as primary which someone else also mentioned
Quote Tweet
Replying to @QiaochuYuan
Still think those people are not all nerds Nerdness involves contraction of the body, granted, but it involves expansion elsewhere The relationship between those pressures is important. It's not *just* a cope, but a pressure model of investments
2
1
21
Replying to
another amendment: i’ve been informed that many jocks are also very tense which, yeah, makes sense (eg finance bros). my source says jocks hold their tension in a more diffuse way throughout their whole being 🧐
3
11
Replying to
Is another sign of nerdiness mental illness? Do we compute energy differently thus our brains are more psychically and 6th sense oriented. Thus why the schizophrenic brain literally proves string theory and how it's all connected? Since society doesnt understand us?
Replying to
Encouragement here. I imagined some of this when I worked closely with the ‘nerd kings’ of the eighties and nineties. Compassion is necessary and so is understanding of how nerd values permeate our systems.
Replying to
It's really wack to me how you're pathologising this. As arguably a life long nerd, the only tensions in my life have come from non-nerd kids being absolutely awful human beings, and a sense of responsibility for a messed up world.
1
I can do just fine socially, I'm not chronically tense. I have just always loved min-maxing for things I care about. You're correlating a lot of independent variables to suit a narrative here.
analogy: most people can't think straight at ALL about intellectual disability because they're so hung up by the fear/shame they feel around "what if I were stupid?" and it makes them *factually wrong* a lot.
7