one of my longstanding interests i don't really talk about because it's very rude is "nerd theory," in the sense of having a theory of nerds: why do nerds have that voice? why don't nerds like sports? why do nerds have bad posture? why do nerds *look younger*?
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anyway i have a rough draft of a theory now, the one-sentence summary is not that complicated it turns out:
a nerd is a person who is tense all the time
Replying to
holding chronic tension in the body produces nerd voice, nerd face, makes posture bad, and makes physical activity subtly painful and unpleasant, hence avoiding sports
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("tense all the time" is a pretty succinct gesture towards what it feels like to have complex PTSD also, but we don't need to get into that here; having a story about where the tension comes from is less important than the raw phenomenology of it)
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i don't talk in these terms often because i think a lot of people don't like the framing but in my own mind i am sort of a complex PTSD maximalist; i think almost every serious psychological issue is basically a subtype of complex PTSD
pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTS
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(although otoh looking directly for the tension is complicated by the fact that at the beginning you'll likely have little access to a lot of it due to numbness)
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i keep expecting to feel like I'll be "done" (stretching my hips and hamstrings) but every couple of days it feels like I'm finding some new tenseness and tightness that I couldn't even perceive before because I was too numb
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"look younger" is the one i feel the least confident about but vaguely speaking i think holding chronic tension diverts bodily resources away from the physical maturation process, especially during puberty. it may specifically interfere with sex hormone production, idk
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there's a whole 'nother aspect of the nerd phenomenon that has to do with the particularities of nerd obsessions and nerd thinking; i have fewer speculations about this because it overlaps with autism stuff i can't claim to understand at all
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but loosely speaking thinking and getting lost in thoughts can be a coping mechanism (i don't mean this as a criticism; coping mechanisms are good, they're for coping, it's right there in the name)
enneagraminstitute.com/type-5
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one version of what you could call my main thesis that i'm exploring on twitter is: it is possible to go from being a nerd to being a jock, to go from being tense all the time to not being tense all the time
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guys can we talk about this completely insane thread where oxytocin nasal spray apparently makes an autistic guy not autistic temporarily? i'm gonna be fucked up about this for days twitter.com/punished3liza/…
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tensions can be discovered and met and understood and loved and melted and integrated and all sorts of stuff; we have many ways to do this stuff now and we can use them and spread the word
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thread of therapy and therapy-like thingies that have helped me or people i know:
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lately i've been focusing on tension in my legs and pelvis (historically i've focused on tension in my chest and gut) and i definitely don't feel done with it yet but there have already been moments that walking and running feel amazing 🥲
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idk how to describe this but i think i can... feel the connection between my feet and my pelvis and the base of my spine now? like something about the way weight gets distributed all along that length has popped into awareness
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other nerd stuff i don't feel like i understand as well: wearing glasses (is this just from not getting enough sunlight?), allergies (spending time indoors + autoimmune issues from chronic tension?)... there must be other stuff, what else?
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some amendments: "Nerdness involves contraction of the body, granted, but it involves expansion elsewhere"
"being in one's head" as primary which someone else also mentioned
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan
Still think those people are not all nerds
Nerdness involves contraction of the body, granted, but it involves expansion elsewhere
The relationship between those pressures is important. It's not *just* a cope, but a pressure model of investments
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also, several people have mentioned this and they're right: something shadowy for me here about how i feel about nerds and being a nerd 😬
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another amendment: i’ve been informed that many jocks are also very tense which, yeah, makes sense (eg finance bros). my source says jocks hold their tension in a more diffuse way throughout their whole being 🧐
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