if there's one thing i've learned from writing about her childcare experiences it's that i really owe it to my hypothetical future wife to repair my relationship with my parents so they can be roped into childcare for our hypothetical future kids
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wonder if this is this something women think about in the dating scene? "yeah he's good at sex and got a big heart but does he also have a good relationship with his parents so they can look after our kid(s) for a weekend"
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i want to be clear that this is coming from a baseline position where i am extremely supportive of people hating their parents, cutting contact with their parents, etc. i've heard some really fucked up stories
there's just a cost to doing this i hadn't been factoring in
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It's something I considered when dating before I got married (my specific circumstances meant my parents would live in the wrong hemisphere to help out easily). And the kind of messages future children will be taught by their grandparents.
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tbh I have always cared about relationships to parents but for other reasons
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agreed - a person's inability to maintain constructive relations with their parents is 1 of the easiest ways to identify people i'd rather avoid. your parents, in their full glory + shame - are the human vectors for your entrance to this life. if you cant respect them, ill pass
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“How does he treat his mother” being a common theme
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ime (and my mom+grandma view it the same - seems to be the wisdom where they're from) there's some gender asymmetry here. Like, I didn't expect at all to for my MIL to get involved with baby raising, and I wouldn't have liked it either. It mom's side that's more involved
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huh interesting. so i should make sure *my wife* has a good relationship with her parents huh 🤔
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it'd be odd if it was a heavyweight factor (not odd at all to consider it at least). The kid phase where grandparent help is a lifesaver is crucial - but ultimately limited too in time. They don't stay helpless and un-leave-aloneable forever in fact it passes quick
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the "signal" though isn't whether the grandparents are there and will help, it's kid relationship with parents. If that's toxic or broken, I'm gonna say....yellow flag?
Similar to "my last 5 exes were all crazy idiots" signal
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