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shb
@himbodhisattva
one time when I was 17 I was on a lot of mushrooms and very depressed. I was staring out my bedroom window at the night sky so intently that I got tunnel vision. when peripheral vision returned, I was in the bathtub staring out the bathroom window. I decided to kill myself
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phie added context people might want to know
@xsphi
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Do you ever feel guilty for what you know alternate timeline versions of yourself have done?
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shb
@himbodhisattva
it had been a long time coming. I got the gun I bought with tutoring money (lol) from the mexican guys who sold acid, stared at myself in the mirror with a gun to my head, and pulled the trigger I heard the shot, but fairly soon after wasn't there anymore. I went "up" (ish)
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shb
@himbodhisattva
very quickly until I was looking down on something like an overwhelmingly detailed map (a DAG but I didn't know that term) made of organic material. I knew it was all the alternate me's. before I could process it, I fell back "down" into one near the one I had been in
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shb
@himbodhisattva
the tunnel vision faded and I was looking out the bathroom window from the tub. I walked back to my room and muttered "holy shit" a lot
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shb
@himbodhisattva
I'm not interested in arguing about the ontological status of this event. but I do have these memories, and a sense that there aren't many of me left in the multiverse. there were a lot of filters, and I'm sad that so many of them didn't make it
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