i don't know that i can really describe to a woman how desolate it can feel to be a man in this position. one time i tried and i said "it's like i'm dying of thirst in the desert and the thirstier i am the less anyone wants to give me water"
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i've also tried writing poetry about it, twice, based on both my experiences and those of men i've talked to
thicketforte.com/2018/03/03/a-p
thicketforte.com/2018/07/30/who
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anyway, i did manage to get out the desert, it is in some sense the arc of the last 5 years of my life and it's a real long story. some of it involved crying while being witnessed by women (who agreed to do so). much of it involved crying alone
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some of it involved crying while being witnessed by men
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what i did instead was roar "I WILL NEVER TREAT ANYONE THE WAY MY FATHER TREATED ME. I WILL BE A BETTER MAN THAN MY FATHER AT ALL COSTS."
then i burst into tears
the workshop lead said "take a knee, gentlemen."
and everyone else - staff, participants - knelt around me
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i don't want to intimidate anyone but i do want to be honest - the bridge i had to cross from where i was to where i am now involved something like 10-50 hours of crying. i haven't kept careful track but it's been a *lot*. sometimes one must grieve many things
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but it is possible to find the pain, it is possible to express the pain, it is possible to honor and love the parts of yourself holding the pain, you can feel tensions melting from parts of your body you don't remember ever feeling, the pain is *finite*
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we have the technology. it is possible to do transformative work much more effective than what you find in a typical therapist's office. better stuff exists and we can find it and learn it and spread it. drugs may also help
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many people in my gratitude thread thanked me for hearing about IFS or IPF through me so, to keep spreading the good news, here's a thread of my favorite transformative stuff. good luck:
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thread of therapy and therapy-like thingies that have helped me or people i know:
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also, just to be clear and bring it all back around: all this dealing-with-my-feelings shit has made me way more relaxed, playful, and confident (even if it took 5 years) - in other words, sexier 😁 thread describing some of how i think this works:
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most dating advice is written by people who hate themselves for other people who hate themselves
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loved this thread, thanks for sharing it. also those side quests in castles and masculinity workshops are 🤌😻
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i used to have a more interesting life 😅