Conversation

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
okay i also want to be clearer about this - when i talk about "responsibility" and "accountability" i am explicitly *not* talking about "blame" or "fault," that's why i used the words i used and not those words
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braintree
@braintree0173
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan
i do this by holding everyone to the same standard (none). there is no blame, there is no fault, everything happened exactly the way it had to. i've still cut certain people off even after forgiving them because i can't ask them to be other than who they are
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
when i reflect on *my own* mistakes, i don't blame or fault myself, i try to see the ways in which i could not possibly have done anything else given who i was and what i had access to at the time, *and* i hold myself responsible and accountable for doing better *anyway*
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
i believe that i have a responsibility to the people around me to become a better person, own up to my mistakes, try to clean up my messes if i can. the question i am trying to ask you guys is: do you hold women to that same responsibility? how? if not, why not?
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Chaotic Guapón
@quotidiania
I know my out of channel responses frustrated you, but I'm still going to say a thing here. The specific words you're using - and what I'm seeing as you doubling down on your way of looking at it (including judgment, given the screen caps!) --
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Chaotic Guapón
@quotidiania
-- lands to me as extremely disrespectful to men who are trying to lead good, functional lives including partnerships with women (and friendships with women)
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Chaotic Guapón
@quotidiania
I bet if you inquire you'll find that most men replying who have partners have strategies for finding solutions to mutual problems with their female partners, and strategies for asking them to change behavior that's problematic for them
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Chaotic Guapón
@quotidiania
I wish you'd take the fact that some of us really don't resonate with your framing as evidence that your framing needs improvement. Of course we may all be missing something - but it's unlikely. I think that's wiser than doubling down, personally.
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
of course it's evidence that the frame needs improvement but i've spent most of the last few years neurotically assuming i'm wrong about everything because my framings haven't been literally perfect and sometimes you have to go the opposite direction from that
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Chaotic Guapón
@quotidiania
QC, respectfully, and I don't know how to say this more kindly right now: you blast your frames on Twitter every single day basically and have been for years
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Chaotic Guapón
@quotidiania
The stridency in this thread in particular comes across to me as someone very sure he's onto something that others are missing. It wouldn't matter so much but it's also compelling, and that combination is kind of frightening to me
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