serious question for men who’ve been in relationships with women, not gonna elaborate on context for the time being but might later: how do you hold women responsible / accountable for ways they’ve hurt you? (in your own sensemaking at least, not necessarily confronting them)
Conversation
this might be a privileged position or something but I literally just talk about it. “Yo, do you remember when you did X? Do you know it made me Y?”
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what if uhhh hypothetically speaking you haven’t talked in several years
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done this too- I work up to it, ask to chat and catch up for old times sake, get some vibe alignment first. whether I bring it up in the same conversation or in the next one depends on how the vibe goes
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there are maybe like 3 people that I’m still sort of waiting to pass time on before reaching out, and incidentally they’re all women. 🤔 with guys I feel more confident being straight up like “yo u cheeky bastard mf I need to talk abt my feelings”
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oof. i actually feel super uncomfortable doing this with either men or women but for different reasons i think 😅
This is also my general strategy; let time pass, wait until I understand my feelings and can lean into compassionate boundary setting, then confront them if it's still bothering me. This is also similar to how I apologize for things I feel sorry for months or years later, btw.
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This is what forgiveness is about - coming to terms with what happened, understanding why you didn’t react with appropriate boundaries at the time, realizing what problems the other person had they were trying to deal with, and eventually letting go of anger.
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In my experience, even with time, the other party has been open to the conversation and impressed that I wanted to have it. Want to role play for practice?
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