serious question for men who’ve been in relationships with women, not gonna elaborate on context for the time being but might later: how do you hold women responsible / accountable for ways they’ve hurt you? (in your own sensemaking at least, not necessarily confronting them)
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this might be a privileged position or something but I literally just talk about it. “Yo, do you remember when you did X? Do you know it made me Y?”
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what if uhhh hypothetically speaking you haven’t talked in several years
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done this too- I work up to it, ask to chat and catch up for old times sake, get some vibe alignment first. whether I bring it up in the same conversation or in the next one depends on how the vibe goes
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there are maybe like 3 people that I’m still sort of waiting to pass time on before reaching out, and incidentally they’re all women. 🤔 with guys I feel more confident being straight up like “yo u cheeky bastard mf I need to talk abt my feelings”
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The “in your personal sense making” bit is big here to me, very different paradigm than resolution through confrontation.
Immensely easier said than done but: doing so requires a minimum level of self-forgiveness for the perceived (and possibly real) flaws of the past self
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Without this, it’s very easy to emotionally place all of the blame at your own feet (and some of it probably is there!) - but in doing so you strip others of their agency, and thus your own ability to hold them accountable.
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