the reason I'm still not trying meditation/jhanas is because it still feels like wireheading to me
something feels "wrong" about being happy for reasons totally disconnected to my life
Conversation
the way someone (iirc ) described it once is that people make a contract with themselves to be miserable until they get what they want, and that one can learn to unmake this contract
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(maybe this wasn't about jhanas but i still liked it as a description of a thing that is at least kinda related)