but it's easy to find women on twitter who find the recent shift towards explicit consent to be very unsexy
they prefer a sexual approach with more spontaneity or assertiveness or kinds of power play that are incompatible with always waiting for a verbalised Yes
Conversation
are they wrong? is that 'internalised misogyny'? should we try to purify them? or is it just part of the complexity of human sexuality
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if you want to believe the Polite Fiction that consent is simple then the easiest way to avoid the counter examples is just to surround yourself with people who agree, and block out the ones who don't buy the lie
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when you let more different people into your field of view, if you truly respect that they know better than anyone else what's right for them, then you start to release the myth of your superiority
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if you let go of superiority, watch as your convictions soften into preferences
beliefs that I formerly thought were Definitely Concretely True turn out to just be the Polite Fictions that are right for me
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another warning: the more you respect other groups, the more you risk being ostracised by your own
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midwit says, so let's find a group that's free of illusion! I'll surround myself with people who prioritise Truth
OK, so visit some Buddhists or Rationalists and I promise you'll find they're fucked up too
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this is not so scary when you remember that words are just the eggshell thin surface layer of meaning, there's so much more to experience beneath them
you can disagree with each other's words and still find ample connection and intimacy at a more fundamental level
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in Queer Eye s06e01 the hair stylist Jonathan asks the client "are you wearing a wig?"
she lies and says No, and J has the grace to go along with it
my instinct would be to challenge the fiction, but J gets curious instead 'oh I wonder why she needs this lie right now?'
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some time later, the cameras are gone & she has the courage and willingness to admit the lie and give up the wig
so she gets to the same destination I would've wanted for her, but under her own steam, with her dignity intact
one of the most stunning pieces of TV I've seen
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