i'm agender, i don't think i've identified as a girl/woman, and i'm sure if i'd heard of nonbinary genders at any age where i was old enough to understand language i'd've known that immediately
(up in the air whether this would be different if i were allistic)
2/?
Conversation
being an agender kid was fine, the worst bits were being pushed to hang out with annoying little girls who thought they were princesses, but i got along well with the other genders, as long as i was allowed to play with boys
which was great until puberty
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10
i barely noticed the parts of puberty that stick with most people-- my boobs got bigger than i wanted them to, but it was gradual, and i wasnt particularly attached to my body anyway
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11
my relationship to attraction changed in ways i didn't grasp-- i didn't seem to develop a sex drive (insofar as it's happened at all, it was over the course of a decade or so starting in high school)
i noticed other kids starting to act weird but didn't get why
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10
then at some point, maybe in late middle school, or early high school, i remember my mom telling me i wouldn't be able to hang out alone with boys anymore ("alone" including "at my house with her present", afaict)
this was... upsetting.
6/?
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11
by this time, it was pretty clear that the sexes had split up and the closest thing i had to a peer group were boys
and now i wasn't allowed to continue my friendships with the boys i'd known since i was a in kindergarten? at least not on the same terms as other boys could
7/?
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15
as if that weren't bad enough, around this time my mom wanted to move across country to be with her family. the only thing that would prevent this is if i could get into the all-girls high school we lived down the street from, since nothing could trump the convenience
8/?
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7
it didn't occur to me that i had a choice in the matter (and if i'd been given a choice, i almost certainly would've picked an all-boys school) so i took the entrance exam, did the interview and enrolled
9/?
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7
at that point if you'd told me that transitioning was a thing (+ that agender people could still date men, or that i was attracted to women) i probably would've gotten my ass into gear to get some testosterone-- or maybe i would've been too cowed by all the "rules"
10/?
1
9
but as things were, i just had to deal with being perceived as a girl and figuring out how to navigate this weird new world where everyone was obsessed with sex and gender and the types of friendships i knew how to have didn't seem to exist anymore
11/?
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12
