If you want to be ungovernable, you have to be okay with people having hurt feelings & blaming you for them —because consciously or unconsciously we use feelings to govern each other
if you want to be hot, you have to be okay with people blaming you for making them horny. this is actually a non-trivial reason why more people aren't more hot
there's a lyric from the last five years i often think about in connection with this:
"i will not fail so you can be comfortable, cathy
i will not lose because you can't win"