i dont think i tend to criticize people (friends, partners) to their face. i do think the unresolved implicit criticism/judgement and/or the issues which create it end up destroying the relationship
Conversation
perhaps im afraid that if i do it
- i will be wrong
- i will be hurtful
- im not worth enough and will just end up alone
also people don't generally change, esp on short time frames
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"criticize others more" feels like a *terrible* new years resolution
but! figure out a way to bring the boil out to the surface and lance it in the least damaging way seems perhaps good
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there’s art in offering criticism in a way that feels empowering and caring as opposed to blamey and judgey (although sometimes that second thing activates very easily in someone else and there’s not that much you can do about it)
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like i can try to contrast
bad: “you are X way, fundamentally, which is bad and you’re bad, i demand you change immediately”
better: “you do X thing, this is the effect it has on me and others, i don’t want it and i bet you don’t want it either actually? let’s work together”
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I go to efforts to hide the effect on myself until I cannot
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