back in a session. livetweeting it as an experiment.
Conversation
“I’m scared of speaking on stage.” floats up. an image of me speaking. I’m shy, I cringe. I haven’t always been like this. what happened?
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I’m cringing, waiting for the blow to arrive, a sharp sting from the audience in this opera house
oh shit, are we going there
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(I.. don’t know if this is good for twitter)
“what are the ethics about posting about childhood abuse on the TL here”, I wonder
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huh. the ethics are actually something I’m using to mask my fear, my terror, at not wanting to fully confront it
I.e. it was abuse. but I can’t fully let myself say the details. So I ask whether or not it’s ethical to post it in an attempt to stop myself from sharing details
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(now, is it absolutely ethical? that’s beside the point..)
ok, I can swerve at some meta level. I jump into meta levels to avoid something
To avoid directly talking about something, I use meta levels, analogies, metaphors !
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even now I’m doing it.
back down ladder of abstraction. as a way to see, name, confront
it was abuse. and it hurt me, and I explained away the hurt as being somehow part of a grand ethical system
abuse is both a helpfully grave word but also unhelpful valenced word, I think
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damn, doing it again
sink back down
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you got this! try being more specific about what happened and what it meant to you. "simple, childish, emotional language"
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is it too much to describe traumatic memories in detail /more here? honest q
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Replying to
i think at your account size it's probably fine, you can include a more explicit content warning and tell people to mute the thread if they don't want to see it?
actually it’s super helpful that you in particular answered with your experience … so thanks a lot
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