back in a session. livetweeting it as an experiment.
Conversation
“I’m scared of speaking on stage.” floats up. an image of me speaking. I’m shy, I cringe. I haven’t always been like this. what happened?
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I’m cringing, waiting for the blow to arrive, a sharp sting from the audience in this opera house
oh shit, are we going there
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(I.. don’t know if this is good for twitter)
“what are the ethics about posting about childhood abuse on the TL here”, I wonder
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huh. the ethics are actually something I’m using to mask my fear, my terror, at not wanting to fully confront it
I.e. it was abuse. but I can’t fully let myself say the details. So I ask whether or not it’s ethical to post it in an attempt to stop myself from sharing details
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(now, is it absolutely ethical? that’s beside the point..)
ok, I can swerve at some meta level. I jump into meta levels to avoid something
To avoid directly talking about something, I use meta levels, analogies, metaphors !
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even now I’m doing it.
back down ladder of abstraction. as a way to see, name, confront
it was abuse. and it hurt me, and I explained away the hurt as being somehow part of a grand ethical system
abuse is both a helpfully grave word but also unhelpful valenced word, I think
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damn, doing it again
sink back down
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Replying to
you got this! try being more specific about what happened and what it meant to you. "simple, childish, emotional language"
Replying to
is it too much to describe traumatic memories in detail /more here? honest q
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i think at your account size it's probably fine, you can include a more explicit content warning and tell people to mute the thread if they don't want to see it?
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