there are very much people who are going to work the opposite way, but speaking just for myself, i'm a little sad when people take my saying no to invitations too seriously
Conversation
the people in my social circles tend to be really big on respecting each other's stated preferences and, particularly since we are all various levels of ADHD and fucked up, respecting each other's "no i would rather not do this thing / go to this event rn"
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there are things i like about this - i like that we try not to *shame* people for having these preferences - but also like. i wanna be drawn out of my shell sometimes. when i'm withdrawing and saying no to everything i want someone to barge in anyway
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like i have a lot of preferences actually and some of them happen to be much harder to verbalize when i'm feeling really bad and, although it feels a little embarrassing to be this explicit about it, i want someone to read my mind about those
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"If she had to ask for everything, how could she get anything that she did not know how to ask for?"
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i can't think of a specific example but there's an anime trope where a sad character is holed up in their room, curled up in a dark corner, and their friend / crush barges in and literally drags them out into the sunlight, and like... that would be nice sometimes y'know 🥲
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actually wait it's poll time
poll: when you're feeling depressed and withdrawn and want to say no to all invitations do you kinda wish someone who cares about you would drag you out of your room anyway
- yes obv26%
- kinda? depends50.8%
- no god no17.4%
- idk / resul5.8%
396 votesFinal results
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the sexual tension between "does anyone know me well enough to know what i really want" and "have i let anyone get close enough to me to know what i really want"
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mentioned recently that for him there was a big asymmetry between feeling happy vs. feeling sad on twitter; when the energy's up it's easy to spread the love by tweeting more with that energy, but when the energy's down it's harder to play the twitter game
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and i really feel that. irl if you're hanging out with a group of people every day and one day you're feeling sad it's easier for people to notice it in your facial expression etc. and be like "oh what's wrong?" without you necessarily having to say anything about it
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but on twitter you have to actively do something for other people to notice you're feeling down and usually i just withdraw instead. idk i guess i could tweet like "still feel bad today" but that doesn't feel... useful?... so i don't
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I kind of feel like, if someone doesn't even attempt to convince me to come, maybe they don't really want me there?
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Social interaction is complex. Sometimes you screw up and push too much, sometimes you don’t try hard enough. In some cases nobody knows what they actually want, let alone what would be best, until some time later.
It’s just being human.
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huge yes obvs here
a lot of the people i enjoy having around me most have some level of pushing my boundaries in a certain sense
that said the people i by far want around me LEAST also do the same
so i dont feel comfortable doing it with others
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Kinda
80% of the time, going and acting despite the feeling will be neutral or shift the mood more positive
20%, going will be anguish trauma hellhole, significant setback
I've stopped wishing for outcomes. But a bias to going more than I want to is necessary
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