Conversation

Its a time of year when many are spending time with family, sometimes reluctantly or out of duty/habit, so give yourself the gift of peace - just zero expectations. Of sanity, empathy, humanity, intelligence - no expectations. And no need to improve anybody. You probably cant.

198

Everyone just is how they are, and if they do change, it will be through love, not constant minor criticisms, disappointed sulking, angry confrontation, or manipulation. And maybe they will never change and that has to be okay as well. There is something to love in everyone

229

I found that most of my grief & anger driving away was toward myself—that i hadnt made it work, hadnt achieved depth or intimacy or cathartic release. Life is better without these ideals Someone said “people can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves” & its true

281

So what do i do now to make it work. Short happy visits Independent means of transport Cut dependency where possible (financial entanglement etc) Stay offsite if necessary Direct conversation proactively to happy things Love them in a way they understand (gifts etc)

225

-No emotional expectations I am not going there to get needs met that theyre not capable of meeting, that would be insane -direct minds with movie or planned activity, step out of child mode of just letting stuff happen -yes they are limited/contracted, but i control my reaction

209

I look for things to honour & appreciate. Their dedication to keeping three children fed & educated. The sheer cost of that. The difficulty of that. How many nappies changed. Their intention & ideals. Just two people who did their best. Not well-equipped by industrial modernity.

183

One more disclaimer which is that this is not telling anyone what they should or shouldnt be doing or feeling. Just some ideas that have helped turn family events from deep internal pain to challenging but sweet & caring occasions for me. In the context of own practice.

139