Say i make a fruit salad for you. You dont feel like it as you just ate pizza. You say no thanks! I feel hurt as my food was a lure to get love. I sulk and withdraw. I say “you hurt me”. You feel confused and full of pizza. Is it really clear who is right and wrong? What a mess.
Conversation
the fruit salad maker is wrong, seems pretty clear to me 🧐
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I agree
Im reacting to the messaging i come across that says things like “if someone says you hurt them, you hurt them, regardless of intention, apologise right now you little bitch”
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pretty good meme to spread for people who want to DARVO 😬
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I quite seriously feel frightened of this acronym as ive seen it miswielded so hideously
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it can be used to do it! very tricky!
being a bit less flippant, the tricky balance here for me is on the one hand acknowledging the manipulation the fruit person is doing, and also the real need from which it arose. also untangling memes about emotional responsibility on top
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i think we all have to be individually responsible for our feelings on some level. it can’t be pizza eater’s responsibility that fruit person feels sad their manipulation failed. not that that condones deliberate harm but i don’t see a deliberate desire to harm here
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otoh people gonna make bids for affection and people gonna be sad when those bids are rejected. but it helps if they’re more transparent, and it helps to be more honest about the impact of feeling rejected. fruit person would do well to own their experience here - “i feel hurt”
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100%... and I've noticed that a kind and self-aware pizza eater will sympathise without taking on the responsibility. whereas if they have less emotional resources, they will just feel coerced and react with blame or withdrawal or resentment
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Replying to
it do be like that sometimes 😔