i was once at a workshop with a guy who started the workshop by cynically bringing up a bunch of PUA talking points about hypergamy etc. and ended it sobbing inconsolably on the floor about an 11-year relationship that ended where he felt like he’d been taken advantage of
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i don’t remember the details but it was something along the lines of he paid her way through school and then she cheated on him
this kind of shit is happening all the time. people get mad about generalities when they’re actually heartbroken about specifics
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i talk to a lot of people about things they’re upset about and usually the conversation goes better if i ask them to go down levels of abstraction and talk about, ideally, specific memories. e.g. instead of “the patriarchy” asking about specific times men hurt them
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I've kinda called this proxy issues
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people often pick proxy issues instead of their real concerns because the latter is "too real" or the person may not know themselves, or they may be a cultural undercurrent that isn't openly discussed cuz then it sounds strange.
like for example:
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great phrase and those are great examples 🙏