portrait of enneagram 9 trying to access deeply repressed anger (2021)
Conversation
friends, help me out, please send me your best threads on the topic
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my current progress is that I only have access to memories of past rage when I'm in a half asleep state late at night or early in the morning
sometimes in this state I get a snippet of a vision of my teenage self screaming in a locked room within my psyche
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have you tried screaming? i like screaming
also reflecting on things that strike me as deeply unjust, like specific people i care about getting hurt
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I don't currently have access to anywhere I can scream, it's top of my list
And I think I use a different emotion for indignation, somehow? I think I repurposed sadness/distress for it.
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huh. how do you feel about your capacity for violence? any access to e.g. fantasizing about fighting bad guys?
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I, uhh, fantasize about taking bad guys down gently and quietly using social manipulation, ostracization and politics and they don't even know what hit them
absolute enneagram 9 stereotypes🤷♀️
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Replying to
hmm maybe you don't need anger or violence if you can just get other people to do them then 🤔
Replying to
Current me doesn't, but I need to work out how to process the anger I repressed in the past 😢