[workshopping this riff] one of the most elegantly powerful things a sort of anxious, conflicted, overwhelmed, over-engaged person can do, which can seem scary and wrong, is to experiment with deciding "not to respect" certain things. some people "respect too many things"
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one way i've been conceptualizing it is that i've put myself under a literally contradictory set of constraints, so progress inevitably looks like violating at least one of those constraints
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sometimes i am like one of those robots where you point out a logical contradiction and they explode only instead of exploding i usually collapse