Eventually it wasn't enough, though
You see, it wasn't 100% fair that my left hand got to be first, and right hand was just second
So after touching with left then right, I'd then immediately touch with right then left
This way both hands got to be first!
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But then... Left got to be first in the first pair of touches, and right only got to be first in the second pair
So to fix that, I'd go left right, right left, right left, left right
But then... You can see where that is going, right? ♾️
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With time, the levels of recursion I'd have to go before I felt that it was "fair enough" increased
So that started becoming pretty annoying
And time consuming! Although eventually I got super quick at doing the patterns! Not fast enough for a potentially infinite sequence tho
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But I couldn't really stop
If tried to, I'd feel really uncomfortable
At times, I'd be running around the house, lightly touch a wall, then stop.
"Do I go back to do the pattern? No, that's stupid, forget about it. But maybe I should... NO, stop it!"
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To the point I'd spend more time trying to convince myself not to do it than it would have taken to just do it!
But still, not doing the pattern made me feel so uncomfortable. Guilty. Ashamed, even. It felt terrible.
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Then, one night, I just got sick of it. I was in bed, I think I cried a little.
And little 10 y.o. Rafa decided right then and there that enough was enough.
From that day on I would just not. do. the pattern.
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And, somehow... It worked. I just didn't feel like I had to do it anymore. It took some time to get used to it. I'd still have to stop and think about it for a second.
But the guilt disappeared.
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After a while, the urge to do the pattern went away too. Then I didn't think about it for years, until one day I read an article about OCD.
In it there was a list of common OCD tics, and this little pattern of touching things was listed there!
That's when I remembered
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So yeah, I'm pretty sure nowadays that this was actual (albeit mild) case of OCD
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Thinking about it now, I'm actually super impressed with young Rafa
Lil dude just willed himself out of a literal mental disorder
That's some king shit right there
How great of young man he was ❤️
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yooo this is dope, thanks for sharing