maybe i phrased it poorly - i mean i think there’d be something refreshing about getting to actually experience it and survive it and overcome it, instead of it staying this unknowable infinitely bad hypothetical bogeyman
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yeah i get it, and i agree that's true. still, i don't want my friends to wish things like that on me - it's not an allied thing to do, imo
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i don’t agree but fair enough, i’ll try to remember for the future
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i think we maybe missed each other here. anyway if you do have these thoughts please continue to share them in convos like this, AND i also hope at the deepest level you'd prefer i get what i want without having to experience that suffering
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i can’t honestly tell you that i have that preference. i’m not sure how to explain it but i don’t want to treat you as if you’re weak and need to always be protected from suffering. that’s a mother’s job, not a brother’s
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damn dude, i think you're looking at it the wrong way.
it's not "treating me like i'm weak" to want one of my worst fears not to come true, a fear btw that is a lifetime-scale thing potentially to fully recover from and possibly irrecoverable
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have you ever heard JBP's thing about how "a relationship is just different if you've never betrayed each other"?
now apply that to the union of all relationships, over the course of a lifetime.
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the world, the universe, life is just different when you haven't been betrayed in certain ways. certain betrayals wound the soul - and you know this! you're working through trauma stuff yourself, from things that happened decades ago (ongoingly, of course)
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i.e. the things happened ongoingly, not as a one-off
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i want my brothers to believe in me and my strength and encourage me to cultivate it, and i want them to know that neither their nor my strength is infinite and hoping/praying to be spared certain ordeals doesn't make anyone less of a man or a brother
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yeah that all makes sense. i want to communicate a thing about playfulness but i'm not sure how because now we're already in a really non-playful register. like i intended the initial tweet as like "haha wouldn't it be kinda funny if" not "i sincerely wish this doom upon thee"
it was intended to be like a playful mischievous relational tap and that's not how it went down and that's fine, i am happy to respect a preference to not play this way. then you additionally stated a preference for me to not *want* to play this way; i'm not on board with that
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i think you misunderstood me. whether you want to play that way is totally fine. originally as stated it was definitely not obvious to me what % serious you were
the preference i have about your preferences is that i want you to prefer i not have to go through an extra ordeal
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that's what i was trying to get at with this message. it feels like the whole thing equivocates between playfulness and not (i get this probably part of the intended playfulness)
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Replying to @quotidiania and @QiaochuYuan
lol i want to simultaneously convey "it's not a huge deal" and that i'm serious about no-curses-from-friends 
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to keep it as simple as possible i'll say: i prefer people to be careful about what they wish/predict for me, even as playful taps, until we've established enough rapport that i can know all the way down that they really are just playing
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