and not only would i have failed but everyone would agree that i'd failed
Conversation
as a man
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to elaborate: i think people would tell me forever that it was because i either wasn't attractive enough as a man, or that i picked wrong because of my desperation/desire for a relationship - and i'd have to live with that, forever
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it might even be true! which only makes it more unbearable
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is it bad that now i kinda want this to happen to you so you get to find out what it actually feels like 😅
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honestly that hurts pretty badly that you'd want that to happen to me
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maybe i phrased it poorly - i mean i think there’d be something refreshing about getting to actually experience it and survive it and overcome it, instead of it staying this unknowable infinitely bad hypothetical bogeyman
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yeah i get it, and i agree that's true. still, i don't want my friends to wish things like that on me - it's not an allied thing to do, imo
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i don’t agree but fair enough, i’ll try to remember for the future
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i think we maybe missed each other here. anyway if you do have these thoughts please continue to share them in convos like this, AND i also hope at the deepest level you'd prefer i get what i want without having to experience that suffering
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Replying to
i can’t honestly tell you that i have that preference. i’m not sure how to explain it but i don’t want to treat you as if you’re weak and need to always be protected from suffering. that’s a mother’s job, not a brother’s
Replying to
damn dude, i think you're looking at it the wrong way.
it's not "treating me like i'm weak" to want one of my worst fears not to come true, a fear btw that is a lifetime-scale thing potentially to fully recover from and possibly irrecoverable
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have you ever heard JBP's thing about how "a relationship is just different if you've never betrayed each other"?
now apply that to the union of all relationships, over the course of a lifetime.
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