being _dishonest_ with ourselves has a huge price. it costs us the world. it denies us our energy. it blocks our flows. it shapes us and makes us withdraw. to be who we are; that's a humongous, tremendous joy.
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we don't need anything but who we already are.
and it's really really important to be around people who are willing to see us for who we are,
and it's really really important for us to do the work, to realize that we already have everything we need to be happy.
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I managed to be honest with myself after months, or years. the repercussions are painful, difficult, and will continue to be so. but they feel good, and right, like something falling back into the right place. I find myself returning to who I already am.
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there are more honesties that I will no doubt uncover, or recover. more ways of being with myself. I am terrified and excited at the prospect of relearning who I already am.
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I made this alt account because I needed a space to vent, to be, to be someone "else" than who I felt I was. but what I think I realize is I need, or want, an alt that is already who I am, that is not an alt at all, but just another version of me, of who I already am.
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this alt feels sometimes like the most honest version of me, but also sometimes like it's missing the other parts of who I am. one (honest) half of a whole, but a half nonetheless. and so the reason I am closing this is to make an account that is already whole, already me.
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perhaps that won't be an alt at all. we'll see.
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thanks to those who I've deeply learned from, especially during summer 2020. including: @jack_meditates @moodymaggie2 @neosomaliana
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qc, reading your original posts about crying were hugely impactful for me, and many of your experiences resonate with mine. thanks, and Iām rooting for you/us.
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happy to help š your posts gave me a lot of food for thought too!