When I got twitter, I used it exclusively for idea generation & articulation.
The idea that it could feel safe, socially fruitful, collaboratively engaging, and humanly "real" was actually absurd.
Conversation
Now, tb fair, my prior intellectual community was a toxic, adversarial, one-ups-manship poopy, which no doubt put me on guard.
In addition, stunningly connective experiences in theater had biased me strongly (& not unreasonably) against tech as a rplcmnt for in-person cnnction.
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All that adding up, I admit I've mostly been contemptuous and suspicious of twitter and even the people who champion it. I've been afraid to let it transform me, afraid of the world it might be creating, afraid of likes and retweets and validation, afraid to become pure ego.
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If you'll allow me a brief tangent--
One of my goals for this year has been to learn how to rest. I was in a high-pressure cultic environment for many years and forgot how, and relearning has been stupidly difficult.
--OK. Back to the matter at hand.
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I was emotionally and physically exhausted today, and retreated to my room with the idea to read or watch TV. "Practice resting." But guess what sounded best? Getting on twitter.
That surprised me. I normally felt a sense of dread or junk candy-ness about being on here.
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Has what twitter means to me....changed??
And I realized that recently it's become a place to rest, of all things. It's been a place to decompress, process the day, low key vibe w people, and share myself through the chewing through of ideas and self-revelation. It feels...safe.
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I suspect this change from guarded idea-spewing to vibing self-expression has a few causes.
a) I just have more followers, let's be real. More actual interaction.
b) I'm writing more truthfully. I'm revealing more of myself than I used to be willing to do, even if just a tad.
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c) I've started to realize that some peoples' responses actually excite me. It's not all the time, but a lot of the interactions really...feel like there is a person attached. I've literally never felt this in my life online, unless I really did know the person IRL.
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So I'm wondering.
Did I just learn for the first time in my wee millennial life how to actually socialize on social media?
Is this how other people who "grew up on the internet" have been feeling this whole time??
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Replying to
yeah it's felt like this since 8th grade on MSN messenger it's dope