list of commands i am pretty sure have never worked:
- calm down
- stop overthinking this
- stop being so upset
- ugh just be a different better person immediately right now
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i’m noticing that when i read writing, on twitter or elsewhere, that is visibly trying to change the people reading it in some way, i try to guess its “theory of change”; the author’s working model of how writing changes people’s behavior. a rough provisional taxonomy:
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I can do 1-3 and it works locally (sometimes) but then there are these subtle learned aversivenesses that pop up everywhere instead
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Do you think the same wrt conflict resolution instead of therapy?
Because that's a way I have trouble with others - I want to discuss things so they are out of the way pretty soon. When I calmed down enough is in 1h, not 3weeks.
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commands that have “always worked” for some definition thereof
- breathe
- don’t just stand there! do something!
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I personally love “Don‘t just do something, stand there!“ (from John Green‘s The Anthropocene Reviewed.
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counterpoint: sometimes “can you not?” works better and is more respectful than “go to therapy”. makes people snap out of it provided they have good fundamentals
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“you’re overthinking this” == “I think you’re basically sane and competent and capable of shifting your problem-solving strategy to something like what I’m about to show you”
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