"but that's just not true. you actually do not need to earn the right to exist and you never have. the reason you're alive right now and not starving to death on the street even though you haven't had a job in 3 years is because your parents send you money because they love you"
Conversation
and i was like oh my god i'm literally harry fucking potter. i'm literally being protected by my parents' love in the form of money and i always have been. how incredibly embarrassing
37
501
879
"the truth is that for you money is a game you play with your parents. the most important thing you do to get money is to not piss off your parents so much that they cut you off"
3
27
456
and then i was like oh my god am i a spoiled rich kid??? am i a trust fund baby kind of??? that's even worse jesus
108
525
641
before i had this conversation with myself there was a three-way internal conflict going on between
1) not wanting to think about my parents
2) various lies i had absorbed from society about money
3) the actual causal reasons i was alive and not dead
2
8
397
and it's sort of insane that i might've needed to do all the therapy shit and trauma shit and whatever else that i've been doing over the last 4 years just in order to work up to... being able to admit to myself that my parents send me money because they love me
9
46
471
my whole picture of the relationship between money and "labor" and "deservingness" shifted. at one point acidQC said "love is literally more real than money. if people love you enough they will literally give you money"
11
158
668
and that got me thinking about camgirls and influencers and gofundmes and all these ways in which money shifts around even though nobody is like building a chair and selling it or whatever
31
122
480
it's relevant background here that i've carried around for a long time a sense of guilt about having disappointed literally everybody who's ever tried to employ me. i don't feel like i've ever been paid for successfully doing the work i was hired to do
10
23
427
idk if this is helpful at all but just for the record: you did successfully teach me some math, which was work i hired you to do
1
4
Replying to
oh phew thanks for saying so. that is actually helpful! i never really know how much i've helped my tutoring clients