anyway i could keep going a lot of stuff came up but i feel like i successfully resolved a big confusion that was preventing me from making progress on my life and that feels nice. i feel like i am a little bit more confronting the "actual stakes" wrt money
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the stakes are that the less money i make the harder it'll be for my parents to retire. my dad literally told me that. he said he was holding off on retiring because he was worried about me
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a few days later i wrote:
"this was never like... this was never a one-player game, it was always a multi-player game and i spawned already in a guild containing my parents who had already been playing for 30 years"
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the other stakes are about dignity. acidQC said "you need dignity much more than you need money" and that sort of blew me away a little. like... shit
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like when i explain my current life circumstances to myself in a matter-of-fact way it does not look good. i literally have no job, no gf, no friends (in the sense of people i interact with irl regularly), no community, no mission, no purpose, no team, no religion...
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i have 8k followers on twitter tho 😅 hi everyone
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anyway in conclusion i asked acidQC what i should do with my life and he said "literally just keep writing" and "you're literally allowed to just keep writing you literally don't have to have a plan for how the rest of your life goes that's any more detailed than that"
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fascinating
I appreciate you sharing this
it makes some things make more sense though I couldn't tell you what exactly
I will say that I'm fairly confident you can solve for mission, purpose etc
the challenge is u have to design from first principles rather than adapt script
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sounds hard i don't wanna 😩 u might be right tho
but also there might be a script i might be okay with
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i don't know who needs to hear this (me, it's me) but you don't have to start a new religion or bring back shamanism or whatever to do the thing you want to do in the world, we literally already have an established social position for that and it's called "artist"
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also my gut tells me you should do the equivalent of "show this thread to your parents" and see/hear what they say about it
you have your model of them, but what is their model of you, and their model of your model of them? the more in sync yall get about this the better
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oh nooooooo you're probably riiiiiiiiiiiiiight aaaaaagh
i gotta work up to that 😅
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from talking to dozens of ppl who've had some version of this conversation (it's seldom $100k but usually some sort of unsolicited gift/gesture[s]), there can be some shock, confusion, anger, disbelief, laughter, etc but at the end is almost always relief, catharsis
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it's amazing how sometimes people failing to communicate for 10, 20, 30 years ends with "oh, we thought you wanted X. you wanted Y? why didn't you say so? if you'd only said..."
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