i recognize that i'm speaking from a position of extreme privilege here but this wasn't all upside. my parents took care of me materially at the expense of taking care of me emotionally. it took me until this trip to even kinda experience the money they spent as an act of care
Conversation
acidQC said - the rest of these have been paraphrases but this one is a direct quote:
"your parents created a world for you where the most real thing was how they felt about you. they successfully used money to make everything else less real by protecting you from it"
5
68
669
and like i kinda get why they did that but it led to me being incredibly sheltered in a bunch of ways. they never even made me do chores. i was very spoiled and in retrospect it wasn't good for me
7
45
480
anyway i could keep going a lot of stuff came up but i feel like i successfully resolved a big confusion that was preventing me from making progress on my life and that feels nice. i feel like i am a little bit more confronting the "actual stakes" wrt money
3
7
294
the stakes are that the less money i make the harder it'll be for my parents to retire. my dad literally told me that. he said he was holding off on retiring because he was worried about me
15
49
376
a few days later i wrote:
"this was never like... this was never a one-player game, it was always a multi-player game and i spawned already in a guild containing my parents who had already been playing for 30 years"
12
79
567
the other stakes are about dignity. acidQC said "you need dignity much more than you need money" and that sort of blew me away a little. like... shit
43
45
460
like when i explain my current life circumstances to myself in a matter-of-fact way it does not look good. i literally have no job, no gf, no friends (in the sense of people i interact with irl regularly), no community, no mission, no purpose, no team, no religion...
25
68
373
i have 8k followers on twitter tho 😅 hi everyone
10
4
381
anyway in conclusion i asked acidQC what i should do with my life and he said "literally just keep writing" and "you're literally allowed to just keep writing you literally don't have to have a plan for how the rest of your life goes that's any more detailed than that"
34
58
362
oh, also, the *medium* dose of acid was incredibly important. some of the most meaningful experiences of my life happened on 100+ ug of acid and/but those experiences were really walled off from my sober life and interpolating between them with an intermediate dose was amazing
Replying to
lol
Quote Tweet
I just found out Henry David Thoreau’s mother brought him a sandwich every day and washed his clothes for him while he was writing Walden.
That changes things a bit doesn’t it.
79
10
469
Replying to
I love how honest this thread is. So good. "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at [Twitter] and open a vein."
1
4
Btw imo your math writings are already more of a contribution than most people make. For example I understand the SVD much better because of you.
2
5
Show replies
Replying to
Thank you for sharing—this is so amazing! I've certainly never been able to do anything remotely resembling writing while on a trip (or even, uh, talking?), so I'm very interested to try an intermediate dose.
2
11
Yeah, multiple times in my life when I have been tripping on something like acid I have wished I was in a position to write my thoughts down, and I think it might have been possible but I had never thought ahead and provided myself the means to do so before I was mid-trip.
1
2
Show replies
Replying to
hi doll, genuinely inciteful thread, dropping this here if you and your family wanna come out and support
Quote Tweet
a family very near and dear to me needs your support so share and give!!!! 
they also need money for immediate insulin support
they also need money for immediate insulin supportShow this thread
1
2
insightful* lmao
1
1
Show replies
Replying to
Others may not get it, the levels of awareness, but I do. It happens a lot to people who lived in abusive environment. You think it's normal until you start digging. Good luck in finding purpose.
2
3
Replying to
I understand why people are dunking on, angry at, and even just gobsmacked by this thread and I'm not about to argue with any of them, and I think you also understand them, too.
But it crossed my timeline at a time when I found it useful and necessary, so thank you.
1
8
My relationship with my parents and money (theirs and mine) is not the same as yours, nor is my stress about money the same, but those relationships and stresses are complicated in ways that you have helped me to understand.
1
9
Show replies