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6:27 PM · Jun 9, 2021Twitter for iPad

i’ve been skimming the wikipedia articles of the people who created e.g. conan the barbarian or whatever - often how it goes is that they just didn’t know about very many things growing up, then they heard about one cool thing, then they made that thing their thing

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and i just can’t imagine having a life arc like that in the age of the internet. i have heard about too many things, orders of magnitude more things than any pre-internet human could possibly have heard of. they are all bouncing around in me, unsorted, unprioritized

i’ve watched thousands of hours of TV, played thousands of hours of video games, surfed thousands of hours of internet, and i think a shockingly large amount of that stuff is still in there and god knows what it’s been doing

i think the way it’s supposed to go is my experiences were supposed to add up to a cohesive picture of the world and my place in it but instead i feel like i grew up as shards of personhood for disconnected worlds - school, home, friends, internet - that never came together

i often wish i had been a theater kid growing up because among other things i think i would have taken very naturally to acting. in retrospect i already felt like i was acting all the time, and at least in theater i would’ve known what my character was supposed to be doing

anyway part of why i’ve been avoiding twitter is that i didn’t want to hear about anything new for awhile. it seemed to me - and still mostly seems to me now - that i had already heard about tons of things and what i needed was more time to digest even a fraction of it

this is, to me, most of the point of meditation or therapy or all of that kind of stuff - to, one way or another, attempt to bring order to the cacophony of experience, sort out what it all meant, hopefully learn to move forward