summary of my therapist's advice today: stop feeling guilty u are not a bank robber
extremely obvious but i also extremely needed to hear it (probably still need to hear it regularly and forcefully)
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hah literally every bad feeling i've caught is guilt
nice try, brain
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astounded that this is still the case -- not sure i've had a single bad feeling in 2 days that wasnt some form of guilt, for the most part easily dissipated by realizing it
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truly ridiculous, i was feeling depressed + lots of existential dread in the window between "letting go of constant anxiety" and "letting go of guilt"
past few days i've been pretty happy for the most part!!
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day 2 of this "no projects" thing, still mostly depressed-feeling but after playing the Witcher 3 all day Geralt's face is making me want to draw
v tempted by a week-long drawing challenge i stumbled into this morning... twitter.com/goblinodds/sta
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onboarding new (old) meds might of course be a factor but the shift was pretty dramatic and i can feel a distinct difference between guilt + noticing, setting aside guilt
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the thrill of not feeling guilty seems to have worn off and i cant tell whether
- the guilt has settled in again (likely)
- this is some vague regression to the mean
- there's another problem
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ime every "shallow" technique is like this. the initial thrill i think is partly about hope - the bodymind is excited b/c it's hoping the thing will solve all your problems but shallow techniques just aren't that great and eventually you get enough info to realize that
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eg see this thread but replace "anger" with "guilt"
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eg let’s say you’re trying to stop being so angry at your partner. a “counteractive” or “layering” approach to this is to try to install a new habit of noticing when you’re getting angry and doing something else, e.g. going for a walk, or “communication skills”-type stuff
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ohh v interesting
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Replying to
some questions from my pov at this stage to chew on (no need to respond here) - what good is this guilt trying to accomplish? who is it for? when did it start? if you stopped feeling guilty what terrible thing does some part of you imagine might or will happen?
definitely recommend asking what emotions are in service of
has helped me realize positive character traits and produce gratitude for hard emotions
eg.
"I feel guilty giving myself things" — becomes —> "I want to ensure that I have enough to give others"
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ohhh this is v good, thank you both!
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