you don't get to tell me to stop caring about whether i creep women out. it fucking *matters* to me. i *don't wanna fucking do it*. i am *not alone*. i have had a *lot* of private conversations with other men about this. men are *torn up* about it and they *can't talk about it*
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insanely frustrating that we live in a world that 100% validates the fear of being hurt but barely acknowledges that fear of hurting other people exists or could be so intense as to be crippling
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thinking about ways i've hurt women in the past has made me *want to die*
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @the_aiju and 3 others
like - there was this thread the other day from a woman talking about how her experiences having sex with men were so bad she turned her dissociation into a sexual orientation and reading stuff like that legitimately makes me want to die
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and yeah, i can recognize the parts of this that are not about hurting other people and are about my self-image, etc. i've done some work on this. but i'm not gonna stand for people trivializing this fear
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remember comment 171 and untitled? i have never forgotten
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that article resonated *very* strongly with me and still does but the context in which that comment was made has been tragically overwritten - i was only made aware of it by this article (from feb 20 2021)
eruditorumpress.com/blog/the-beige
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"But entirely unmentioned is the reason Aaronson made these comments in the first place. Aaronson, see, was replying to a blog commenter who was talking about how the presence of “shy and nerdy” men did not make her feel safe given that she’d been sexually assaulted by such men,
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"and calling Aaronson out for his somewhat milquetoast positions on sexual harassment. It was in response to this that Aaronson unloaded his long and traumatized history of anxiety about women and sexual assault. This was, it is fair to say, not great.
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"“I have been sexually assaulted by shy and nerdy men” is not a prompt to talk about how hard it is to be a shy and nerdy man."
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btw not accusing you of this move *in any way* - i know exactly how fucking hard it is to be open and vulnerable about these feelings - just bringing light to something that made me view that particular series of events in a very different light
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damn, hmm. this is complicated. i have more to say about this than i can easily fit into tweets